Something we get asked a lot here at the Munitorum Department for Astra Militarum Discipline, and Spiritual and Moral Well Being, is what makes the perfect cup of recaff
Well, fire up the stove, Guardsman, and recite the machine rite of aqua-vaporisation, because we’re about to tell you.
What is recaff?
Recaff is the caffeinated beverage that oils the mighty human war machine of the Astra Militarum. It is the ever-present* companion to the Guardsman on watch, a warm comfort to the trench-hardened soldier, and the guaranteed reward of a mission accomplished**.
Methods of recaff production vary across war zones. Common blends include extracts from local plant leaves as well as Adeptus Mechanicus-approved – and almost entirely hygienic – filtrated regimental waste. Especially skilled quartermasters are able to re-acquire the caffeine additives from waste that has gone through this cycle seven times.
Brewing the Perfect Cup
1) Prepare your container
Many squads maintain a dedicated recaff kettle. For luck***, this is never cleaned. While the brown-green sludge that forms inside may appear distasteful, it would be true to say that this adds to the flavour.
2) Boil the Water
The first thing you’ll need is boiling water. Be aware to take into account your altitude and the planet’s gravity and atmospheric density, as this may affect boiling point and thus the flavour. Such factors may also hamper your ability to survive whilst brewing.
3) Prepare the recaff additives
Your regimental quartermaster will have issued guidelines on the correct composition of recaff for your deployment. It is vital that you follow these instructions. Any troopers found using unauthorised plant material in recaff, or additional caffeine, will face summary punishment, followed by death, and having their recaff confiscated.
4) Lower recaff additives into water, inside a suitable filter
Idealy, this should be done inside a Munitorum-approved Perforated Hot Water Submersion Container. Failing that, a standard issue Guardsman’s sock will suffice.
Note: the taste will likely be affected if this sock has been previously used for its standard purpose.
5) Wait for the percolation
The correct time to wait is as exactly long as it takes to recite the 113th verse of the Mantra of the Emperor Ascendant (which, as a faithful Guardsman, you of course know by heart). Then remove the Munitorum-approved Perforated Hot Water Submersion Container (or sock).
6) Enjoy a delicious cup
With all this done, it’s time to pour yourself a delicious mug of recaff.
Good job, trooper – another victory for the Imperium!
Thought for the Day:
“Get me a mug of recaff and a lasgun, and I’ll take on a Hive Tyrant!”
– Sergeant Vladimir Brosk, Vostroyan 34th****
* Statement should not be taken literally. Recaff is often unavailable.
** Supplies limited. No guarantee given.
*** Superstition is the enemy of the Emperor. Luck is merely the manifest favour of his divine might.
**** With moderate regret, we report that Sergeant Brosk was killed by a Hive Tyrant six weeks after making this statement. It is believed that a recaff shortage was instrumental in his demise.