Great news, Guardsmen,
The twice-corrupted planet of Cadia is no longer part of the Imperium – which is an entirely expected development, as the Emperor never wanted it anyway.
That’s right, upon learning ages ago that the pylons upon Cadia’s surface were, in fact, of xenos origin – and with Cadia’s close and unhealthy proximity to the tainted Eye of Terror – it was decided that Imperial colonisation of the world was no longer desirable.
Rather than merely abandon the world, though, the skilled Imperial tacticians stationed around the Ocularis Terribus instead decided to lure the rag-tag heretic forces of the Eye into a last glorious battle, by falsely spreading the rumour that the world of Cadia was in fact a vital pillar in the Imperium’s defence.
Nothing could be further from the truth, of course; Cadia was, and always has been, an insignificant backwater planet.
Tricked into committing most of their strength in a foolhardy and pointless attack, the forces of the arch-enemy took crippling casualties in their foolish assault on Cadia, which Adeptus Munitorum statisticians assure us have effectively eliminated their ability to take part in any further military action for decades. This masterful defence and fall-back tactic was, of course, born of the genius of Lord Castellan Creed of Cadia.*
Of the renowned Cadian Astra Militarum regiments, the Guard’s famed ‘Shock Troops’, it is lamentable that several regiments were lost in the strategic retrograde-advance from Cadia. However, with around 90% of Cadia’s forces off-world on tours around the galaxy at any given time, and the estimated 14% increase in vengeance-induced effectiveness** of regiments whose home world has fallen to enemy forces in battle, we are pleased to report a net-gain to the Imperium’s fighting strength!
So there you have it – yet another resounding Imperial victory.
Long live the Imperium!
Thought for the Day:
‘Brave men do not question, they simply act.’
* Creed was unavailable for questioning, but we’re sure he’s just fine, leading another heroic attack on some unfortunate enemy of the Imperium somewhere.
** See also, Tanith First, Medusan 26th Armoured and the Cryptan ‘Dragon Slayers’
Officers Only Addendum:
Action – Please destroy all previous Regimental Standards referencing Cadia, and for reasons of morale, ensure Guardsmen who have read such (now) outdated works, have the honour of leading your next attack.