We have heard reports from the front lines of a new type of creature seen in the presence of traitor forces.
The creature, described as ‘sort of like a bird, but bigger than a battle tank‘ is just the latest in a series of increasingly desperate attempts by the forces of the enemy to deploy ever-more mutated beasts, in the vain hope of swinging the balance of battle in their favour.*
We have heard that some guardsmen (we’re looking at you Perkins) have speculated that such a being is some form of exalted leader-beast of the traitor forces. Such speculation will, of course, not be tolerated, and our Magos Biologis teams have confirmed that such creatures are most likely just the results of unsuccessful gene-manipulation of livestock – no more intelligent than a beast of burden. Also, though they have wings, these are purely decorative, a byproduct of a time when this beast’s ancestors may have been of more noble bearing.
Such creatures represent little threat to a trained guardsman, and the best course of action is to just put the pitiful thing out of its misery – a few swift shots to the head should do the trick. Such creatures can sometimes be too stupid to notice they have been expertly killed however, so just to be sure, we recommend doing this in conjunction with some other guardsmen** (and maybe a Baneblade).
Note: Despite the fact this creature has a notionally avian appearance, upon it’s death, we would strongly caution against eating it. It in no way tastes like chicken*** and is likely to react badly with your internal organs. Such abominations remind us to be thankful that our standard Imperial rations contain only healthy organic**** constituent parts.
Thanks for reading. This has been informative.
Thought for the day:
‘They who feast today do so in ignorance of their mortality. Tomorrow they must die or change.’
*See also, the beast-spawn of accursed Cadia***** and the three-headed hound of Medusa V
** Something like the whole rest of your regiment should suffice
*** A reportedly delicious Terran creature, thought to have gone extinct due to its propensity for crossing automotive transport thoroughfares.
**** In that, 51% of the content of your ration pack comes from processes relating to or derived from once-living matter.
***** Do not ‘See Also’ any information on Cadia – it is now classified.