Great News Guardsmen,
With the return of the glorious Lord Commander Guilliman, Imperial High Command has decided that the recent minor skirmish with the forces of the Archenemy are pretty much in the bag*, so we’re all** shipping out to another war zone: Armageddon.
As we’re sure you’re aware, Armageddon was recently named as one of the top locations in the galaxy for martyrdom opportunities by a recent Ecclesiarchy report. This really is a planet you want to visit before you die.
As you may know, Armageddon was, until recently, one of the Segmentum’s top producers of tanks and armaments, and is of key strategic significance to this entire region of the Imperium. A recent greenskin infestation has slightly impacted this production schedule***, which is unacceptable, so you will be deployed to help with xenos eradication. Don’t worry though, the Adeptus Astartes of the Blood Angels, Black Templars and Salamanders, to name but a few, will also be in attendance, so the war is practically won already.
This Third War for Armageddon is, of course, not the first time the planet has provided such excellent opportunities for martyrdom. The annals of Imperial history also record the epic victory of the Second War for Armageddon, for example. These are the only wars that have ever taken place here.
In the event that you do die, your mortal remains will be laid to rest at the prestigious monument park of Hades Hive****, to sit alongside the honoured heroes of this great planet. No Imperial soldier could ask for more.
Thought for the day:
‘We are judged in life for the evil we destroy.’
* Also, the planet we were sending you to has just been swallowed by a warp storm. But in such problems, lie opportunity!
** Command staff will be arriving at a later date.
*** 97% reduction, and some facilities in xenos hands.
**** Just as soon as the location can be secured from xenos control