We have some great news for you.
You will soon be receiving a new medical tool kit to serve as part of your standard army equipment.
We are aware that some of you have been suffering injuries, in part due to a shortage of flak and carapace armour from the last Munitorum shipment. Those problems are now over, as you’ll have all the tools you need to heal your wounded troopers.*
Here is a quick guide to your new super-practical medical kit.
- Your Blessed Canteen. Use this to store Ecclesiarchy pre-blessed water** for wound cleaning and disinfecting. This is an important item in your pack, especially for those of you assigned to desert or ash-waste war zones, death world planets where water can host virulent diseases, or those battlefields where the landscape is tainted or irradiated.***
- Your Munitorum Spork****. Guardsmen will be pleased to learn that, in addition to those carried in your ration packs, your med-kit comes with an additional spork. They have proven so useful in both culinary and combat situations, we imagine it will surely prove equally useful in your medical kit.
- Munitorum Medical Tweezers**** can be used to remove small pieces of shrapnel from wounds, as well as shuriken, flesh hooks and Ork choppas, thus allowing the wounded trooper to achieve a full recovery***** that much faster.
- Munitorum Medical Bone Saws**** can be used to remove limbs where troopers have become foolishly maimed or infected with contaminants. We remind you that Munitorum guidelines recommend amputation only in extreme cases, but suggest that troopers may return to line-duty so long as they retain at least two limbs. (Troopers with less than two limbs will be assigned a backfield artillery role.)
- A vital part of your medical kit – Ecclesiarchy Approved Literature. Due to our original shipment of texts being lost in Warp transit, you have been issued with an older edition book on correct practices for Imperial faith written by <<ALL RECORDS DELETED>>.
- Finally, the most important item in your new medical kit – a miniature, portable Shrine of the Aquila. In the event that treatment fails, it is usually due to a lapse of faith on the part of the patient. Such warriors will need help in gaining the attention of the Emperor post mortis, so we suggest your squad pray for them upon death, thus gaining them the Emperor’s divine favour (another victory!).
This has been informative.
You are now a trained field-medic assistant.
Thought for the day:
‘Your life belongs for the Emperor, and your body to His Imperial Guard.’
* As a result of you no longer needing it, your replacement armour shipment has now been re-directed to the Armageddon Sector.
** Not the same as sterilised.
*** This covers 98% of all war zones. Most of the other 2% are in a vacuum – in the event of wounds being taken here, you will be pleased to know, water will not be required.
**** Can be used in place of bayonet in emergencies.
***** Full recovery not guaranteed (or likely).