We have some sad news for you this week, Readers.

Private Jenkins, whose story we began to follow last week, has regrettably been reported as KIA on the battlefields of Armageddon.

You should not weep for Jenkins though, for his story can now serve as an inspiring example to Guardsmen the galaxy over. Adeptus Administratum Department of Posthumous Battlefield Promotions reconstruction experts have compiled this summary of his final days:

Jenkins and his regiment were deployed to glorious Armageddon to take the fight to the greenskin invaders. His regiment* suffered minor casualties while entering the system, due to light xenos fleet activity.

Further casualties were suffered by Jenkins’ company** as they made planetfall upon holy Armageddon itself, as Ork aircraft briefly contested their landing zone before the xenos were driven off by the fearless airmen of the Imperial navy.

Jenkins’ platoon then set out across the ash wastes of Armageddon towards the contested Acheron Hive. On route, the platoon came under fire from an enemy armoured squadron. Ork Battlewagons are durable, if ramshackle vehicles, but like their inhabitants, they are slow, lumbering brutes. After suffering some initial casualties, Jenkins’ platoon*** managed to tactically outmanoeuvre the xenos vehicles and deliver the killing blow to the heretical constructs. Victorious, Jenkins’ squad then set off again towards their destination.

Towards the outlying structures of Hive Acheron, the squad’s trusty Chimera transport came under fire from Ork anti-armour specialists and suffered a technical fault****. Don’t worry though, swift vengeance was enacted against the enemy unit by Jenkin’s squad*****, though they themselves suffered minor casualties.

Undeterred by these unfortunate events, Jenkins remembered his training and advanced into enemy territory, bayonet fixed, lasgun primed, and face set in an expression of determined resolve.

His boots and helmet were discovered some days later, still warm.


We can’t be sure, but we can only assume that Jenkins had been waging a personal guerrilla war against the Ork invaders, sabotaging vehicles, intercepting supply convoys and picking off isolated enemy patrols, and was in no way cowering in a sewage pipe until an unfortunate Marauder bombing run inadvertently obliterated the hab-block he was sheltering inside.

The good news for Jenkins is that, because he died the last surviving member of his regiment, he will receive an officer’s burial in the martyrdom fields of Armageddon, which is, in many ways, still a victory – well done, Colonel Jenkins. May your example inspire us all.

Colonel Eugene Jenkins – even in death, he still serves.

*hereby referred to as “company”
**hereby referred to as “platoon”
***hereby referred to as “squad”
****It exploded
*****hereby referred to as “Jenkins”