Today we look at taking down the foul quasi-technological constructs of the followers of decay.
We have noted, in recent battles, that those servants of Chaos that worshipped a supposed ‘plague god’ have been accompanied by a new type of heretical construct.
Colloquially named the “Bloat-drone”, this abomination is a perfect example of all that is corrupt and repugnant about the war machines of the Archenemy, bearing no resemblance to any honest human technology produced by the blessed Adepts of Mars* – just a hodge-podge clump of biological offal, pipes and rusted plate.
If you face such a creation, here’s what to do:
- Shoot the squishy bits
Unable to fully comprehend the proper use of armour, the armouries of the Archenemy have failed to completely cover the vulnerable… fleshy sections of the Bloat-drone. These will be easy for a skilled marksman, such as yourselves, to aim for, which we assume will be fatal to the Bloat-drone.
- Bayonet it in the eye
As you can see, the Bloat-drone only has a single short-sighted** eye. If you find yourself in close proximity to such a creature, a swift bayonet to the eye will not only blind the beast but cause a fatal feedback shock****.
- Don’t be near one when it dies!
As a last desperate measure, deceased Bloat-drones have been known to explode, messily and infectiously, and cover nearby warriors in snot and bile so thick, even a Munitorum issue handkerchief can’t save you*****. It is advised to avoid being in the blast radius if at all possible.
So there you go, Guardsmen.
You are now ready to take the fight to these new abominations of plague.
Good luck out there!
Thought for the day
“The true sickness of our age is heresy.”
* Some of you have pointed out an alleged similarity between this creature and the holy automata of the Adeptus Mechanicus. If you look closer, you will find this conclusion erroneous. Your commissar is willing to assist you in this concussion.
** As short sighted as all misguided followers of the Dark Gods!***
*** Addendum – Post battle autopsy shows a detailed, full-spectrum, kill-focus optical aptitude.
***** also, you die.