Attention, Guardsman!

While the human body is the pinnacle of biological perfection, some of us are more perfect than others. In the Astra Militarum, it is the job of your commanding officers and drill-abbots to turn the raw, promethean clay of your physical form into a weapon of the Emperor. Your arms shall be muscular pistons capable of driving a bayonet through the neck of an Ork, your mouth shall become a laudhailer bellowing cries to the Emperor* and your legs will be mighty thews capable of propelling you across the harshest of battlefields. Perhaps the most important of your organs, however, are your eyes.

Recent in-field accuracy assessments** have demonstrated that, while the Emperor is all-seeing, many of his servants are not. As such, the Regimental Standard has prepared this test of your ocular abilities in order to best determine where you should be used on the battlefield. Following feedback from the Adeptus Ministorum, it was also determined that this could also be an excellent resource for avoiding heresy, so instead of random letters – which the unprepared mind could resolve as any number of potentially seditious terms – you will find particularly pious words for your edification.

Enjoy!***


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To use this test, simply place it 20 feet away from you, sealing it to a soft surface with Militarum Issue Sharpened Metallic Pursuit Deterrents (hereafter known as “tacks”). If 20-feet of unobstructed space is unavailable (e.g. you’re serving on a hive world, with a Krieg Regiment, etc) consult your regimental health officer for alternative testing.

How did you do?

Line 1: Report for flamer duty following successful completion of test to determine the promethium-emitting end of a weapon.

Line 2: Register yourself for reassignment to Basilisk duty, shell-loading

Line 3-5: Standard acceptable deviation for lasgun-armed troops

Line 6: Register yourself for Basilisk duty, spotter (binoculars issued)

Line 7: Register yourself for Basilisk duty, spotter (no binoculars issued)

Line 8: Enroll yourself with Sniper Corps. Immediately.

Line 9: Eyesight proficiency suspicious for an unenhanced human. Report yourself to the nearest Magos Biologis for examination.

With this test, Guardsman, the Astra Militarum will be able to make the best possible use of you, meaning you – and your lasgun – will be deadlier than ever in the field. Please note that these tests will be used going forward to determine if your accuracy in battle is an accurate reflection of your eyesight, and any discrepancies will be used as evidence of deliberate malingering.

Happy hunting!

++ Thought for the Day: A narrow view sees better ++


* When it is deemed appropriate by your superiors to open your mouth at all.
** We are, of course, referring to the battle of Sygma-IV, where an entire regiment mistook a particularly large Ork for one that was very close before affixing bayonets and charging. This is also, admittedly, a decision that would have been foolish even if the Ork had been within charging distance.
*** Please note that enjoyment of this test is secondary to swift and efficient completion of this test.