Physical fitness is imperative for all Guardsman. You must demonstrate speed, strength and agility on the field of battle, whether you’re loading shells, leading a charge or throttling a xenos with your bare hands, and when you expire, reduced corpse weight allows for bulk landers moving remains to Shrine Worlds for interral to consume less fuel, thus reducing the strain on the Departmento Munitorum.
We understand that Sanguinalia is a time of feasting and celebration, and it would appear that, according to current regimental fitness reports, some of you were a little over-zealous in commemorating this most favoured son of the Imperium this festive season. With your next combat deployment imminent, and above-average casualty counts expected, it is imperative that you return to fighting shape as soon as possible. In order to aid you, we’ve borrowed some examples from Fitness-Commissar Magnus Stromark’s acclaimed pamphlet One Hundred and One Daily Exercises for Guardsmen.*
Assume the pose of Almost Absolute Genuflection to the God-Emperor, as per your standard Regimental Group Praise Guidelines**, then transition into the pose of Utter Genuflection to the God-Emperor. Repeat. This will strengthen your core muscles as well as helping you demonstrate your love for our eternal protector. Bellowing some of your favourite catechisms to the Emperor while you do so should also serve to increase your lung capacity as well as edifying any members of your regiment in proximity.
Prop up the recovered corpse of an enemy combatant and perform swift, repeated bayonet strikes with both arms into the abdominal region of the foe. While the might of a Ryza pattern bayonet blade will probably eviscerate even the largest corpses nigh-instantly, your biceps will receive an excellent workout and, at the very least, nearby enemy combatants will likely be greatly distressed.
Charging on the spot
Perform a running motion while standing still for as long as you can bear. This exercise is particularly effective, as it leaves your arms free for holding regimental training manuals.***
Leap into the sky with your full strength and form your limbs into the shape of the guiding light of the Astronomican. Please note that performing this exercise in trench conditions is not recommended.
There you have it, Guardsman – between these exercises, your prescribed daily drills and plenty of direct combat with the foe, you should be fighting fit in no time at all!
Thought for the Day: “Excuses are the refuge of the weak.”
* Please note that these guidelines do not apply to Catachan troops, who, quite frankly, could stand to spend a little more time practicing their manners with their Commissars and a little less time holding pull-up competitions.
*** We would recommend The Do’s and Do’s of Affixing Bayonets, or [Redacted] to [Redacted] – The Guardsman’s Complete Guide to Dealing with [Redacted]