Excellent news, Guardsmen!
Following some unexpected delays*, we are happy to announce the canonisation of one of our most beloved Guardsmen. We are, of course, referring to Colonel** Jenkins – an exemplar of the grit, courage and unwavering obedience to superiors we expect of all members of the Astra Militarum. Colonel Jenkins’ bold sacrifice will be commemorated henceforth with Saint Jenkins’ Day.
However, there are some complications to take into account. With only 365 days in the standard Terran year, and countless saints to take into account throughout the Imperium, awarding a full saint’s day to a Colonel of the Astra Militarum – other than perhaps the legendary Ollianus Pious – would be potentially perceived as disrespectful to the High Lords, Adeptus Astartes, Inquisitors, Missionaries, heroes and more besides who command celebratory periods of their own.
As such, Saint Jenkins’ Day colloquially refers to the Saint Jenkins’ Advisory 4.5 Minute Reflection Period, to be Awarded at the Discretion of Regimental Commissars based on Regimental Performance and Current Relative Influence of the Jenkinian Holy Faction in the Adeptus Ministorum.
During Saint Jenkins’ “Day”**, you are permitted to perform your duties with above average zeal and to open conversations with your fellow Guardsmen concerning the exemplary nature of this storied Guardsman. You may continue to do this following the conclusion of Saint Jenkins’ Day provided it does not interfere with your other holy observances.***
We hope you enjoy this celebration Guardsman!****
* Namely, the return of the Primarch Roboute Guilliman, the opening of the Cicatrix Maledictum, our complete victory on Cadia, and a brief and intense internal schism in the Adeptus Ministorum about the ability of the Departmento Munitorum to declare saints’ days.
** A rank awarded to then-Private Jenkins by the Adeptus Administratum Department of Posthumous Battlefield Promotions.
*** See above.
*** For more information on these, please consult Recognised Saints of the Imperium (concise ed.), Volume 4750b: Saint Jenifyr the Unyielding to Saint Jenminerius the Hate-filled, which has been updated to include Saint Jenkins.
**** Insufficient enjoyment will be used as evidence of lack of piety in any future investigations of heresy.