Attention, Guardsmen! We have excellent news.
Following the discovery of an ancient genetic strain of a Terran war-beast, and extensive testing and regulatory processes,* we will shortly be providing your regiment with a very special new recruit. Known as a canid, this creature has been shown in ancient historical manuals to be superb for morale and have a wide variety of combat uses.
- Provide Positive Reinforcement
Canids, unlike Guardsmen, do not respond well to threats of violence, insults to their honour or accusations of heresy. Experiments have shown that these beasts are instead best dealt with through firm encouragement, and as such, when dealing with them, usual strictures on providing unwarranted praise to comrades are lifted. The following phrases have been found to be highly effective:
“Who is an effective combat beast? Is it you? The question is rhetorical. It is you.”
“Adequate performance, soldier.”
“Prostrate yourself before the Emperor, and I shall rub your abdomen in reward for your humility.”
- Remember Your Place
In order to prevent undue feelings of superiority among privates, all canids are officer rank. This means that striking your canid, presuming to give it commands or, theoretically, disobeying its orders are all offences punishable by death.*** Refusing to follow a canid into combat is also a capital offence. The following chart should help you learn your place.
- Drill Constantly
Canids, like Guardsmen, thrive on discipline and constant exertion. When not in combat, ensure you involve your canid in your drills. Extensive testing shows these creatures rarely tire of retrieving thrown objects, as well as showing an enthusiasm for walks that any Guardsman would do well to emulate.
We hope you enjoy your new companion, Guardsmen!
* The project was a staggering success in terms of expediency and efficiency, with initial testing lasting a scant five centuries!
** Unlike Abhumans, canids are worthy of your respect, being fully aware of their inferiority to Mankind and expressing pure, unthinking loyalty when given commands and not presuming to crudely satirise the human form with their foul physiology.
*** If issued clear, verbal orders by your canid, self-report for psychological evaluation following completion of said orders.