Lissen up, ladz!

Quite frankly, boyz, I’m sick of everyone turnin’ up with all diffrunt gear. Last week I told youz lot dat we woz goin’ on a desert mishun and four of you turned up wiv gubbinz for swimmin’.

I’ve chatted wiv da Boss, and he doesn’t want you comin’ to battle wivout deez bitz’:


– Yer Dakka

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I know carryin’ a choppa in both ’andz means you can slice stuff up twice as fast – dat’s just maffs – but yer dakka lets you skrag humies before you’z even kicked ’em.


– Yer ’Ard ’At

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Da Boss needs to know who to yell at when da ladz start runnin’. Uzually, dis is da biggest lad, but when yer legs get shot off it’s ’ard to tell. Wear a big ’at if you’z a Nob to make it eazier fer ’im.


– Yer Armer

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We’z not Madboyz.* Slap a few bitz of metal on yer soft bitz and you’ll get to fight fer longer before you get skragged. Add some skullz ‘n’ spikes ‘n’ stuff if you want to look dead ’ard.


– Bullitz

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Get lots of diffrunt shapes and sizes for diffrunt gitz. If you’z got any of dem ‘Beekee’ Space Mareen bullitz, save ’em – they iz dead good. If they don’t go in the bullit hole/bullit bukkit, carve a bigger wun with yer choppa.


– Yer Teef

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For tradin’ in battle. Keep ’em in yer mouf, or put ’em in yer pokket for safekeepin’.


– Yer Choppa

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For choppin’ fings.


– Squig Food

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When da squigz iz takin’ a look at da battlefield after da scrap’s done and you’re a bit duffed up, yer gonna want somefin’ more delishus than yer leg to feed one if they find you and they’re ’ungry.**


– Yer Divin’ Gubbinz

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Come t’think of it, when dat freek rainstorm ’appened, it woz pretty useful after all…

If you come to battle wivout any of yer stuff, I’ll smack you in the gob. Then kill you. Then smack you in the gob again fer good luck.


++ ORK FOR THE DAY: Evil Suntzu, Dead ‘ard Ork finker wot made Da Art of Waaagh! As da great Ork said, “Krump ’em good and first before they can krump ya back.” ++


* Well, most of us. Zogbez – yer shiny blue warpaint should to da trick. Jus’ wear a cloth or sumthin’ dis time or I’ll klobba’ ya’.
** Bits of humie should do the trick. Or uvver, smaller squigs.