Wonderful news, Guardsmen!
A new anomaly has been found, representing an opportunity for discovery, valour and the utter destruction of an interloper who would deign to trespass in the God-Emperor’s galaxy.
Appearing in the Segmentum Pacificus, we know absolutely nothing about the anomaly apart from that it is very large and should probably be destroyed on the grounds that, if it is of any value, it’ll probably survive an orbital bombardment or two.
At this stage, we can say with some confidence that this is the greatest anomalous incident to occur since the Triumph at Sanctuary 101!
What YOU need to know about the anomaly:
The universe is full of terrors that mean harm to Mankind. According to current analysis,* we have never encountered an anomaly of this type before.
The fact we have never encountered this anomaly before is superb news, as it means that a previously unknown threat is now known to us. Thus, we can purge it, thereby removing it and increasing the security of the Imperium forever!
Rather than attempting to trick us with honeyed lies, the anomaly has instead slain any who have ventured inside and has attempted to intimidate us with a tawdry display of destroyed Imperial vessels. This is, of course, excellent news.
Unlike with the T’au Empire, we can skip straight to Stage Four of the Imperial First Contact Protocol – Commence Extermination. This saves our diplomats from debasing themselves by pretending to the naive xenos that the Imperium possesses any interest in “negotiation”, “peaceful co-existence” or other heresies.
Early expeditions by surviving Imperial fleet members indicate that landing parties have been able to enter the anomaly, and it contains air with enough oxygen to sustain a Guardsman.** This means you will be able to bring all the might of your ground-combat training to bear against it, rather than missing the fun while the Imperial Navy do all the work.***
Go forth, discover, and destroy!
++ Thought For The Day: All mortal life is folly that does not feed the spirit. ++
* Please note: current analysis is limited due to observational methods – namely, looking at it from the minimum safe distance (two systems away).
** Thus saving us from wasting respirators or spare oxygen canisters. Truly, this is a blessed day!
*** At this sensitive stage, we are particularly curious to see if the anomaly is vulnerable to bayonet attacks.