Attention, Guardsmen!
Due to vast shortages of war materiel,* the forces of the Archenemy have been forced to scavenge all manner of bizarre equipment. Recently, we have become aware of so-called “noise marines”, named for their delusional use of musical instruments in battle. Rest assured that these weapons are purely psychological in nature, and unlikely to cause any meaningful damage – except perhaps, to good taste and decency.
As such, we have provided your regiment with an allotment of Special Issue Ear Protection Units. These should prevent any long-term damage.** In order to ensure swift execution of your commanding officers’ orders, all Commissars have been instructed to increase the volume of their motivational litanies to a level above even the most devastating of the heretics’ armaments.***
If Ear Protection Units fail to fit, inform your quartermaster and complete Mutation Self-report Form.
With your hard work, we can ensure these so called Noise Marines are silenced – forever.
++ Thought for the Day: The man that sings the Emperor’s praise will speak a blessing all his days. ++
* Presumably caused by our glorious victories.
** In severe cases, you may experience ringing in ears/strange whisperings/explosive decompression of skull cavity. Please report any such unusual effects to your commanding officer.
*** Meaningful pointing may also be employed to aid clear communication.
