Today is your birthday! We understand this might come as some surprise.
In order to bolster morale, the Munitorum will henceforth be celebrating the day of birth for every Guardsman – the day on which you were chosen by the God-Emperor to serve Him in his glorious Astra Militarum!
The bureaucratic work involved in recording and tracking each individual Guardsman’s day of birth would be far too complicated,* even for the great minds of our scriptor-adepts, and as such, we have devised an ingenious solution. We are moving all Guardsmen’s birthdays to the same date – today!
To congratulate you on surviving thus far, we have produced a celebratory card:
In the unlikely event you are called upon to celebrate another birthday, you may simply look at the card again, and imagine you are receiving it for the first time.
Happy Birthday, Guardsmen!
++ Thought for the day: It is better to die for the Emperor than live for yourself. ++
* Not to mention accommodating for warp-based time dilation, shoddy record keeping, heretical subterfuge, and primitive tradition on feudal or tribal grade worlds!