Following the annihilation of several regiments by warp-borne xenos, some desperate measures have been called for.* In today’s Regimental Standard, we are happy to announce a staggering new development in body armour technology, with a series of innovations designed to defend your soul just as effectively as your flak jacket protects your mortal form.
The new Anti-temptation Kit is designed to defend your senses from any undue seduction, either on the battlefield or off it. No more shall the hushed lies or pungent musks of warp-borne xenos have any hold over you!
The Anti-temptation Kit contains the following:
(b.) FIFTY (50) Fortitude-class Taste-nullifying Tablets – for preventing undue excitement from overly sumptuous vittles
(c.) ONE (1) Prudence-class Visual Obscuration Device – marked with the visage of the Emperor on the inside to avoid sights that might inflame the passions
(d.) TWO (2) Temperance-class Anti-sensory Gauntlets – lined with 100% synthetic grox hair in order to focus one’s sense of touch
(e.) ONE (1) Vigilance-class Herbal Pomander, with Facial Attachment Strap – filled with astringent herbs in order to purify any sinister vapours seeking to infiltrate your nasal cavity
When you feel the call of unnatural urges, simply don your Anti-temptation Kit in full and re-engage in combat. Should you find the loss of your senses threatens to impair your combat performance, simply imagine your Commissar’s profound disappointment until your zeal is restored to an acceptable level.** Additionally, internal padding will be removed from all flak armour until further notice in order to produce an acceptable level of suffering.***
++ Thought for the day: Hope is a luxury. ++
* A posthumous promotion has been delivered to Lance Corporal S. Carlin, who made the novel choice to affix his bayonet to the front of his Leman Russ and manoeuvre it into the creatures, thus driving them back. Any trooper wishing to recreate the Carlin Manoeuvre is welcome to do so, provided they fill out the appropriate replacement paperwork for the Leman Russ.
** Or, until your Commissar decides to register his disappointment via the application of a bolt shell.
*** For any Guardsmen worrying about this padding going to waste, fear not! All spare linings will be recycled in order to make your commanding officer’s pillows 20% fluffier.