Greetings, Guardsmen! As a member of one of the “elite” kill teams operating in your region, you will be aware that the renowned Catachan trooper, Sly Marbo, is also active in nearby killzones.
Guardsman Marbo is, of course, a thoroughly excellent and capable trooper, just like all members of the Astra Militarum. Disappointingly, though, we have learned that there is a certain amount of chatter flying around about his exploits. This is unacceptable, as it elevates one man above others, when in fact all Guardsmen are equally lowly in the eyes of the Emperor. We have collated a number of such scandalous stories so that, if you hear your fellow Guardsmen repeating such “facts”, you will know to report them to your Regimental Commissar.
Repetition of the following statements is punishable by immediate reassignment as a Gunner Specialist [Plasma], Grade 1:
- Sly Marbo threw a grenade and killed five Orks. Then it exploded.
- Sly Marbo poked the warp right in the Eye of Terror.
- A Catachan Devil once stung Sly Marbo. After 5 days of agonising pain, the Catachan Devil died.
- Flak armour wears Sly Marbo for protection.
- Sly Marbo doesn’t have a shadow because he scared it off.
- When Ambulls go to bed at night, they check their nests for Sly Marbo.
- The fastest way to a man’s heart is with Sly Marbo’s blade.
- Sly Marbo once shot down a Dakkajet by pointing at it with his finger and saying “bang!”.
- Sly Marbo doesn’t shower, he takes blood baths.
- Lord Castellan Creed wears Sly Marbo pyjamas.
- If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Sly Marbo.
- The official name for “Exterminatus” is Sly Marbo.
- Sly Marbo beat a Warlord Titan at arm wrestling.
- Sly Marbo hacked a Tyranid Prime to death with its own scything talon.
- Sly Marbo can run faster than a Shokkjump Dragster.
- Sly Marbo sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- The Cicatrix Maledictum was created when Sly Marbo sneezed.
- The first name engraved in every suit of Custodes’ armour is Sly Marbo.
- Sly Marbo does not sleep. He waits…
- Sly Marbo does not go hunting because “hunting” implies the possibility of failure – Sly Marbo goes killing.
- Roboute Gulliman keeps an inspirational pict of Sly Marbo with him at all times.
- Sly Marbo won a staring contest with a Necron.
Remember, Guardsman Marbo is a fine warrior and you should all be spending more time trying to emulate his actual deeds rather than making things up about him!