Guardsmen. Yesterday, you were heroes. Today you are cowards, cravens and fools. Our already minuscule estimation of your abilities has somehow fallen even further. When we wrote the article Guardsmen […]
Yesterday, you were heroes. Today you are cowards, cravens and fools. Our already minuscule estimation of your abilities has somehow fallen even further.
When we wrote the article Guardsmen Triumph Despite Overwhelming Odds!, we were under the impression that you had recently secured victory through a combination of your own merits and our sage guidance. It now transpires that the crushing defeat of the Ork Waaagh! you were assigned to fight was the result of the actions of a company of Raven Guard acting behind enemy lines. This fact was only discovered, much to our mortification, after Lord Commissar Oleg van Mises had already sent a light-hearted communique to nearby Chapter forces.
This resulted in both his profound embarrassment and his immediate execution for besmirching the honour of the Adeptus Astartes. Upon closer examination, the devastating injuries inflicted upon enemy Orks, while theoretically inflictable by lasguns and bayonets, were in fact the work of combat knives and bolters.*
While the Raven Guard have remained characteristically silent on the matter, we are taking measures to repay them for their service. All of your medals will be stripped, melted down and forged into attractive decorative eagles for adorning the Raven Guard’s armour. Meanwhile, your entire regiment has been reassigned to the Damocles Gulf for immediate anti-Battlesuit actions; as the original parameters called for a heavily armoured drop force, you have been issued with a generous selection of flak undergarments and enough parachutes for at least two-thirds of your troopers.
Good luck – may you prove worthy of glory without outside assistance!
++ Thought For The Day: The Emperor will not judge you by your medals and diplomas; he will judge you by your scars. ++
* We know that the devastating impact of a bolter can easily be confused for the searing wounds inflicted by a lasgun, so we will let this one slide, provided you sign an affidavit confirming that your weapon is as effective as those wielded by the Adeptus Astartes and that any failings to slay enemies with it are your own.