Greetings, Guardsmen. We apologise for the delay in the delivery of this week’s Regimental Standard. Our initial bulletin, provisionally titled “How To Avoid Bothering The Adeptus Astartes With Your Pathetic […]
We apologise for the delay in the delivery of this week’s Regimental Standard. Our initial bulletin, provisionally titled “How To Avoid Bothering The Adeptus Astartes With Your Pathetic Mortal Follies” has been vetoed… by the Adeptus Astartes themselves.
It has transpired that we failed to recognise the green heraldry of the Space Marines you were assigned to fight alongside – rather than Dark Angels, they are Salamanders. While we nerve-staple all individuals associated with this error, please make the most of your time with these heroes.
Salamanders – Official Fraternisation Activities
The Salamanders’ mastery of flamecraft makes them superbly suited for all manner of fireside activities. Why not tell stories of screaming heretics around a bonfire? We have provided you with one bag of sweetened chewable corpse-starch cylinders for roasting.
In the din of battle, friendly communication can be difficult. However, with our approved gestures, you’ll be able to continue fraternising with your fellow warriors even in the thickest of melees. Try (gently) tapping your knuckles to your Adeptus Astartes friend after a particularly impressive kill, or a Kinetic Sound-generating Mutual Salute.* Any “hugging” will be punished by flogging in light of regimental conduct guidelines surrounding good decorum and personal space.
Nothing will do more to endear you in the eyes of your new friends than a glorious act of self-sacrifice in line with the tenets of the Promethean Cult – the simple, rustic and largely non-heretical faith of the Salamanders. Your commanding officers will be sure to provide you with plenty of opportunities for an attention-catching death.**
We hope you enjoy your time alongside the Salamanders, Guardsmen!
++ Thought For The Day: For every battle honour, a thousand heroes die alone, unsung and unremembered. ++
* AKA a “High Five”. Remember to aim for the elbow to ensure the most satisfying possible connection, and limit force used to ensure you do not shatter every bone in your arm when you do so.
** Or a shameful and miserable one, should you decide to refuse orders.