We have good news and bad news, Guardsmen!
Thanks to your tireless efforts, we have an important update to this sector’s most wanted list! Despite not having yet positively identified a corpse, we can confirm that it has been several solar cycles since the T’au Empire* commander known as Shadowsun** has been seen. As such, we are declaring this vile paragon of perfidy officially MISSING, PRESUMED DEAD (and disgusting either way).
The bad news is that we still have not been able to pinpoint the cause of the mysterious fault that keeps resulting in the sudden combustive dismantling of Leman Russ Battle Tanks and, in an increasing number of cases, Guardsmen, continues unabated! We are determined to not let what is obviously sloppy maintenance on your part distract from our victory over these naive buffoons, and as such, four hours of your sleeping schedule have been replaced with the application of sacred unguents to key vehicles and, where required, valuable personnel.
Make sure to be as thorough as possible, Guardsmen!
++ Thought for the Day: Ignorance is bliss. ++
* To use the name this vile race calls itself – imagine calling such a meagre collection of backwater planets an empire!
** A nonsensical self-contradicting word filled with redundancies and tautologies common to the honeyed, lie-filled speech of the T’au.