Greetings Guardsmen.

We understand that for some of you from less enlightened worlds, it is traditional upon this day in the Terran calendar to try to make a fool out of your superiors with falsehoods. We would like to make clear that such “hilarious” pranks are not only a means for the Archenemy to spread disorder and disobedience among our ranks, but unoriginal, unfunny and rather tired by this point – there is a war on, after all! 

“Amusing” as it may be to inform your Commissar that the Emperor has just risen from His throne, or The Lion has returned to join the Avenging Son, or that the Tech-Priests have all decided to start worshipping a giant mechanical dragon, resist the urge. For Guardsmen who CANNOT restrain themselves from such feeble attempts at humour, we have deployed the following emergency joke for use pending the approval of your commanding officer.

Good luck. May the Emperor shield you from the perfidious lies of your comrades and enemies.

++ Thought for the Day: Leniency is weakness. ++