Wonderful news, Guardsmen!
We understand that right now, for the weak willed, our usually tranquil and utopian galaxy can feel somewhat stressful. Indeed, we know that occasionally the heavy hand of Imperial authority has slipped from your shoulder, to be replaced with the comparatively lighter, spikier hands of the xenos, the heretic, or worse still, the non-existent yet still extremely malevolent hand of personal freedom.
Nevertheless, despite recent events, surprise saints, new foes and a small but significant rounding error where your five-year combat rotation was accidentally listed as a fifty-year combat rotation, we have good news. No, it’s not a holiday. Or a promotion. Or a rise in compensation. Instead, we’re deploying you to the Imperium’s most peaceful sector!
Unlike many of the show-offish, loud, annoying sectors of the Imperium that constantly beg for aid from the Astra Militarum and complain endlessly about issues that they could conceivably deal with themselves,* the newly named “Zone of Peace and Quiet” has made zero astropathic requests for aid in the last few years, even when specifically contacted by the Imperium! Such stoicism obviously speaks to a sector dealing with the trials and tribulations of this millennium wonderfully.
We will be assigning you to the “Zone of Peace and Quiet” shortly. We can only assume that you will be welcomed as conquering heroes. Given that the sector has neither exported nor requested any war materiel recently, we expect they’ll have more than enough to go around! As such, we are confiscating all your weaponry, vehicles and flak-jackets in order to provide for more needy Guardsmen.
As if the “Zone of Peace and Quiet” wasn’t already bucolic enough, we have excellent news from the last pict-captures transmitted from the sector! It appears that their worlds are dotted with magnificent archeotech pylons like those found on Cadia, making it a wonderful place to visit for those missing their home world and speaking to the long, decidedly human history of this place!
We hope you enjoy your deployment, Guardsmen – may your heart fall as silent as this sector!
++ Thought for the Day: In an age of insanity look to the madman to show the way. ++
* Such as inability to pay tithe, civilian uprisings, aetheric incursion and Tyranid invasion.