Greetings, Guardsmen.

As you know, Humanity is the absolute pinnacle of evolution. We are peerless throughout the galaxy, infinitely better in thought and deed than the filthy xenos. But did you know that there are those blessed by the God-Emperor to be even more perfect?


When your Ministorum Priest says, “blessed is the mind too small for doubt”, he is referring to Ogryns. They’re bigger than you, stronger than you and tougher than you. Let’s just say that you’re lucky that you take up less space in a Chimera and eat fewer combat rations.*


Imagine being unburdened of those messy human emotions such as fear and mortal terror.** Yes, you would have to surrender your bayonet to be replaced with a weapon arm, but thanks to the brain augmentation, you’d never need to be disciplined by a Commissar ever again.


Picture being able to soar over the battlefield, high above the mud, swooping in to deliver your crushing bayonet charge. In His eternal wisdom, the God-Emperor bestowed the gift of flight upon the Pteraxii instead of you. Similarly, in His eternal wisdom, he has bestowed upon you the gift of combat boots.

Space Marines

Designed by the God-Emperor Himself to be the ultimate warriors. There are no foes that His angels cannot defeat, no battle that they cannot win. If you are ever blessed to see them arrive in a war zone to tidy up your mess, make sure that you give thanks to His unending benevolence.***

Adeptus Custodes

The Golden Legion, the 10,000, the bodyguards of the God-Emperor himself. They are as far above you as you are above a sunworm. If you are not weeping tears of pure unadulterated joy at the mere mention of their name, we recommend that you report to your Commissar to volunteer for the next Servitor intake.

Never forget, Guardsmen, that this is not meant as an exhaustive list of all of the parts of Humanity that are more perfect than you – the Regimental Standard does have space constraints.

++ Thought for the Day: Even the fallen body of a faithful man is shielded by the Emperor’s light. Let our warriors make barricades of their corpses, the better to bask in His blessings. ++

* There is no substance to the rumours that the Astra Militarum is planning tests to see if it would be more efficient to feed Guardsmen to Ogryns.
** Not to mention those other emotions that are not helpful in a battlefield setting such as joy and love.
*** Then give thanks for the opportunity to clean up the collateral damage once the Space Marines depart.